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This Spoke to Me…
Well as most would assume I have been having a really tough time this year and hence the absence from the blog. I have given it a lot of thought and have shared with a few close people why I am having a more difficult time this year than I did last year.
Last year everything was so fresh and did not seem real. I was walking around in a fog and going through the motions. Much like a chicken who has had its head separated from its body… the body keeps moving for a short period of time. This in addition to the outpouring of friends and family that were around day and night to help me. This year, it is REAL for me and I am faced with the reality of what this time of year will be for me for the rest of my life. There will be a huge void as I get out the Christmas decorations and every piece I pull out of the box will have Julie and a memory tied to it.
This was her time of year. She loved the cold weather and wearing sweaters. She loved decorations and lights. She loved the time spent with family. She loved the anticipation of the kids on Christmas eve and the excitement in their eyes as they bound down the stairs Christmas morning. I miss her.
I was having a particularly hard day yesterday as I stumbled through some things in my home office I had not seen before that just punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. On top of that Irma (a long time friend of Julie’s from College) was holding her Christmas White Elephant party that we went to every year (except last year as she did not hold it… I don’t think anyone was up for it.). The party consists of all of Julie’s close friends from her childhood and college years that still live in the area. I delayed until the last minute to accept my invitation as I just could not see myself going without her. I did, and I got through it somehow.
After the party the kids headed to Clear Lake to spend the next couple of days with Nanna and Poppa as I have to work this week and Ebony is on Vacation for the holidays in Michigan. So I had a quiet house. I sat down and decided to watch a movie. As I scrolled through my selection on my AppleTV I came across what is probably my favorite movie and one I had not watched in a long time… The Shawshank Redemption.
I have watched this movie dozens of times and remember every scene (If you have not watched it you are missing out on a great) but one scene spoke to me in a brand new way and I had to rewind it and listen to the line one more time. It was a line by Ellis Boyd Redding, better known as “Red”, played amazingly by Morgan Freeman. Red was reflecting on the escape of his best friend Andy Durfresne who had spent 20 years in prison wrongly convicted of a double murder…
Sometimes it makes me sad, though. Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up, does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty when they are gone.
Substitute Julie’s name for Andy and the quote fits like a glove. Julie’s feathers were just to bright. God called her home so that she could influence and touch many lives vs. just the ones she could here on earth as a mortal. We all know that it is selfish on our part for wanting to keep her all to herself and we can “rejoice” in knowing that she is guiding and helping many in God’s kingdom at present. However, we who knew her here on earth can’t help but feel a huge void now that she is not with us in human form.
I felt a sense of peace come over me as I listened to that line for the second time and absorbed it all in. Believe what you will, but Julie guided me to watch this movie last night and made sure my ears were primed to hear this…. She was speaking to me.
I wish everyone a very safe, happy and HEALTHY Holiday and 2009. I will sign off with one more very poignant line from this movie…
Get busy living or get busy dying.
-Andy Dufresne
I hope all who read this choose the former. It’s what Julie desires of all of us.
YAY GOD!
-Brendan
Breandan, I never told you this before but I have had at least 3 dreams about Julie. The 1st one and the one I remember the best is where she was talking to me, being happier than ever, with her typical enthusiasm, with a big smile on her face. She cheerfuly told me: ” I am doing great!! I am very happy because I am with God. He told me that for sure, one day, I will be with all of my family and all of you again…” . I know she is happy, I saw it very clearly on her face. I know she is looking after you and the kids. I think about her and pray for her almost everyday. I also ask her to give me, with the Lord’s intervention, some of her amazing patience and love that she had with the kids and with you that made her a super mom and super wife.
It’s amazing to me the things that we hear over and over — through movies, books, other people, etc., but at a certain point they speak to us in a new unique way. I’ll have to watch the Shawshank Redemption again soon — definitely one of my favorites as well. The quotes you included here are very powerful!
I hope that you can continue to feel peace in your life as you go through this tough time. Julie is missed by many and the impact of her life is evident in many others, especially yours and your kids.
I know this time has been hard on you. It just reinforces our new reality. Its hard to come to terms with but I am SOOOO happy you guys made it to the party at Irma’s. It just would not have felt right not to have you at the party. Christmas is especially hard because Julie loved it so. I was so happy to see you put all the decorations out. I thought about that and I thought about you…wondering if I could put all that stuff out without. It made me smile to see the house decorated on Jacks video. I had a great time with the kids tonight and found myself signing along to Christmas songs. I was pretty sure that was Julie’s doing..as I am not a big xmas song fan.
Hang in there, let me know if you need anything.
I am praying for you during this tough time. Thank you for sharing your journey. My dad died 11 years ago when I was 16 and the holidays are always the hardest, but your final quote encourages me. You’re amazing. Praying in Virginia.
As I read the quote from Shawshank, I remembered those words as they were spoken in the movie and I haven’t seen that movie in years. I didn’t know Julie personally (only through reading this blog), but she seemed to embody such a spirit. Definitely, bright feathers. So selfless of you to realize that God meant Julie for bigger purposes, and for you to see that through your pain of her loss is unspeakable. You are a stronger person than you realize and even in your weak moments, you speak to others with such strong words. May God bless you and your little ones this Christmas and always, especially when you are remembering Julie. You’re in my prayers!
Brandon, hi,
thinking of you today and glad to hear you are finiding a little bit of peace…speaking of Julie, dreams and such, it was really strange the other day but i felt like Julie was in a yoga class with me - now i know that’s weird as she and i have never taken a class together but there was a girl in front of me who from behind very much resembled Julie and so for the whole class i had all of my memories of Julie flashing thru my mind…not sure if this was the proper yoga-like behavior (as you are supposed to just focus on the class and the now and not let your mind wonder) but it was the best class ever and went by incredibly fast. Wish I had known Julie longer to have even more memories…
Brendan, that was really moving. Since Shawshank is one of Bob’s favorite movies, we have seen it about 50 times and know most of those lines and that is a perfect quote to some things up about Julie. It is still hard for everyone without her over the holidays. I miss her Christmas letter that she did so beautifully.
Amen, Brendan. See you in a couple days. Kev
Merry Christmas.
The thoughts and prayers of me and my family continue to be with you and yours. May you have a wonderful Christmas holiday and an even better New Year.
The Baber Family
I’m thinking of your family today and hoping that you’re able to find some joy with your kids tonight and tomorrow. Merry Christmas.
Leaving a comment since I can’t text right now, although I’m sure I’ll have lots waiting for me from you…
Woke up early here in OK (7:30 is early for B&C!) thinking of you and the kids. I’ll call later to talk to the kids and hear all about what Santa brought them. Love you guys tons!
Brendan, I have followed your blog for over a year now and I have kept you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I decided to comment because the line you wrote from Shawshank Redemption (and yes, I agree that it is a fabulous movie!) that says, “Get busy living or get busy dying” is so perfect for those of us who have lost an irreplaceable loved one. Although I have not lost my spouse, we lost our son, our firstborn child, Caleb Joseph, over eight years ago. He was born on the 4th of July, 200 and he passed away 2 weeks after he was born. As he took his last breaths in my arms, I swear a part of my soul went with him to heaven… There is nothing like trying to live on when someone you love so dearly has been taken from your life, nothing. I have watched that movie time and time again because I love it so much and that line could not be more true for either widowers or bereaved parents…”Get busy living or get busy dying!” I can tell you that at one time I was getting busy dying because I felt as if I had nothing to live for without my son. After many, many years of trying to come to some peace with his passing, I have finally begun to “get busy living.” I am beginning to find joy in my life and with my 2nd child, our daughter Abigail. I have to say that although nothing can take away the pain of losing a beloved family member, time does give you a perspective and shows you that you can survive an unbelievable tragic event. I am continuing to keep you and your precious children in my thoughts and prayers for health, comfort and healing. Please know that Julie HAS made a beautiful difference in this world and will continue to do so through YOU and her children…
I love the Shawshank Redemption and the quotes you posted from it are great. Been thinking of you all a lot lately & keeping you all in my prayers.
Raquel
We’ve been thinking of you and your beautiful family, hoping you’ve had a magical, meaningful, blessed Christmas and praying that your new year will be one of good health and happiness for all.
We are so sorry we missed playing Santa to your kiddos again this year, but we’ve had a good reason. We’ve become first-time grandparents (12 December) to a baby boy named Austin Thomas (9 lbs. 9 ounces/emergency C-section — here in Texas we call him having a “big-un”). We’ve been to London to meet him and to help Jenn and Jonny adjust, now that their “B.C” (Before Children) life is over and a whole new world of exhaustion and sheer joy has begun. Austin is God’s greatest gift - we must tell you that becoming a grandparent is an amazing moment and that the love you feel for your grandchild is huge and instant. And now we understand the “wisdom” of grandparents. We’re not on a hectic, 24/7 schedule like new parents, so when Austin is in our arms he immediately relaxes, sensing our calmness and peace. It’s very, very cool. We believe that God gives us miracles as we travel through life: wedding days, the births of our children, the coming together of family at special moments. But other miracles occur when we least expect them: the sun bursting through the clouds and smack into our eyes, commanding our attention just when we need Him the most; the joyous laughter of a child yanking us out of our sadness/depression to remind us that each and every day of our lives is precious - each and every day is a miracle. Austin’s birth, for us, was yet another miracle and we are so very thankful. Someday, Brendan, you will be a granddad! You’ve got so much living to do between now and then… so MANY miracles, both big and small, to look forward to! We send you glad tidings of comfort and joy. Keep your heart open, stay strong, seek out goodness and love, and “get busy living” as a new, wondrous year unfolds!
Brendan,
I follow along with your blog and keep you and the kids in my thoughts all the time.
I wanted to give you a heads up that apparently MD Anderson has a severe blood supply shortage that is forcing them to pick and choose who will receive their required transfusions. I’m unable to confirm this online anywhere but I know that you have a huge Houston readership and that you are in the best position to help most quickly. Almost every blood supply organization is running short around the holidays so I think it’s safe to say I don’t have a wild rumor here but of course, it’s always possible. Would you consider posting a call for blood donations? Thanks!
Brendan,…. we wish you from the bottom of our heart a lot of HOPE, FAITH & COURAGE in this 2009…
Shawshank was on last night and I watched it. LOVE that movie. I really liked the simplicity of the line that follows: “I Miss My Friend.”
Bren - That is one of my favorite movies, and your post totally changed how I view that quote. I am really glad that it gave you peace.
Happy late birthday and I am sorry that I missed it. Carrie told me that they really enjoyed spending the 2 day New Year celebration with you and the kids.
Love,
Nat Batt
Shawshank is one of my favorite movies too. I watch it just about everytime it comes on TV.
Thanks for posting. Your posts really do encourage me and is a reminder of how blessed we are and how Julie blessed our lives. Hang in there.
Hi Brendan- what a precious video of Jackson! He was so good and darling too! I know Julie saw him from above! Julie made a very big impact on me in that I started praying more faithfully and have grown closer closer to our Saviour. I will always be grateful for this blessing. I think of her often and pray for your comfort daily. I too really liked Shawshank Redemtion and wholeheartedly agree with your interpretation of the quotes you referred to. Also, “Get busy livng or get busy dying” . I know you will get busy living as that’s exactly what Julie would have wanted you to do!
Your friend and neighbor,
Yvette
Brendan, very nice blog. Happy to see u write
I miss Julie so much, and everyday I have a moment where I just feel like I need to have a glimpse of her one more time. Things will occur and I say to myself.. Julie. During Christmas I saw Hallie, Jack, and Kendall and each and everyone one of them has that special something of their mommy. I think about you and the kids and Julie every single day! I love you all! Hannah
time for an update for your faithful readers!:)
I still think of you often. I always wonder how you pick up the pieces and move forward. We had a friend whose husband just passed away suddenly from a motor vehicle accident. I asked her how she copes from day to day as she was 5 months pregnant. Her answer to me in the most matter of fact way was “I just breath.”. i am sure that I looked at her with an odd look and she told me that she had to move forward. She had a son to take care of and one on the way. She knew that her husband would never want her to fall apart and that he knew she was a strong person.
I just want you to know that I admire you and how you have handled your life and the kids lives. Julie is so incredibly proud of you. She is watching from above and taking care of you. I love to hear about the signs she sends. I am a big believer in that. You are continually in my thoughts and prayers.
Hope all is well with you. Looking forward to some more updates.
Would love to hear a new post about life around the Lyons? We are looking forward to seeing you guys at Easter.
Hoping that you are finding peace in the everday. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you and the kids. I think of you often. Lisa L.
Brendan…still thinking about you all and praying for you here. Would love to know how everyone is doing.
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